Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
