So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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