are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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