apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
