Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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