remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We need to rekindle our bromance
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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