I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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