running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
