dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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