I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
