I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
