can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
