Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
