Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
