Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
