If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
