So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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