guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
