your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
