he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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