Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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