If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
