i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
