maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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