dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
