I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The air was thick with penises
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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