I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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