I heard we made out
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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