This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
