My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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