meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
