sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
