He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
