i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
