First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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