why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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