5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
