She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
