Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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