as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
