Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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