my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
