Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
