Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
