i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
