Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
