I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this just has baby written all over it
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
