Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
