I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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