This girl is more easily done than said...
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
